My Heart's Cry

May 03

Please excuse me for ranting today! These are just some things on my heart. I was writng them in my journal and there are several more things that I will post from there also. I can "get on my soapox" every so often, esp when it comes to the things of God. I wish that I could take out my heart (spiritual) at times and place it within someone for just a moment so that they can have just a taste of the fire that God has placed within me.

I see so much apathy, worldliness, competition, etc in the church. So many of them are run like major coperations. I have been trying to understand the Nicolatians. I do understand the Nicolatians now - the Lord started showing me this about 2 months ago. I have often wondered about the doctrine of the Nicolatians. I have been a student of language since High School and love word eytemology. It finally hit me one day that this word means "the doctrine of the Laity Conquerors."

How does one conquor the laity - by oppressing them for one. But one can be conquored by "forfiet". If they sit back and won't fight, then they will be defeated. Satan, for the most part, won't win with a frontal assault - he does it little by little, causing us to fall asleep and becoming apathetic. We turn over control to a group of few that we chose. The Scripture says "Go!" It didn't say, Pastors go or Evangelists Go!. It said, "and these signs shall follow them that Believe.... the next verse is the commision to go - it is for all believers.

I have changed chuches several times, mainly because their focus was so much on what can God do for me, instead of getting out into the streets! It's all about building a bigger building, getting more people in attendance (mainly by coersion with good programs, not with New Believers). I really have a problem with that kind of attitude - yes God does bless us. He gives health, riches in this life, sucess - but it comes with a cost! A heart of a servant.

By the way, the word witness - it come from the same word for martyr! People say that they want to "witness" to their friends, family, etc... To them it means to say Jesus loves you, or invite them to church. A witness lays down his/her life for the sake of the Gosple. I wonder how many would take up that offer! The church is too comfortable with the buildings, the programs, and the "feel-good Gosple" that they don't want to hear about taking up your cross and following Jesus. (Sorry, preaching again! )

Used to be, a part of my problem with churches accepting me was my age. I thank God for the little Baptist church down the road from me that started letting me assist in pre-school when I was 14. Every time I approached churches about ministry and they saw my age, they told me I was too young! I was even told this at 22 year old. They are now more accepting of me now that I am the ripe old age of 26 (now 30).

Over the past few weeks I have been seeking God for direction - I know my calling, I just want to know where I need to go from here. I work in a youth grop - love it. But the teens don't seem to have any passion in them. It is all about games (our biggest turn out is on game night or lock-ins). We did have a very powerful lock-in last time (we had 30 min scheduled for testimonies - it began at 12:30, we finished close to 3 am - and only with about 30 kids altogether and only about 10 gave their testmonies).

I want to see these kids fired up and walk in their destinies. I am tired of seeing them passing notes in church, cuddling together when they should be worshipping, talking back to the leaders.

I want to see them Baptized in the Fire of God and filled with His Spirit. I would rather have 2 teens on fire for God and desiring to please Him than 20 teens who were there to please their parents, for games, or for friends - even than ones who came just "because it is the right thing to do." My heart is after God in everything that I do. I want nothing more than to serve Him.

There is a part of me that wants to go back to my teen years. When I was 15-17, the Lord showed me some awesome things. There was a strong gift of intercession - it is still here, but not the same. I used to lay in bed and pray. I would receive names of people and their situations, places that I had never heard of - only to find out that something was going on there a few days later (riots, earthquakes, typhoons, etc). I want to walk in that kind of intercession again. I do operate in the prophetic from time to time (mostly though dreams and visions), but I do receive words sometimes. I long for this gift to increase in my life.

I want to see people healed as I lay hands on them (this word has been spoken to me several times, by at least 4 people). I'll tell you, I have read histories of revival. I want God to use me in the way that He did many of the great revivalist of the past. I long to see people healed when I walk by because of the anointing and Glory of God. I want to see people fall on their faces in repentance because of the Holiness of God. I want to see demons manifest and people delivered because of the Presence of God!

Most of all, I want to see a whole generation walk in this power! I want to be one of the ones that imparts this to this generation. I am sure that you hear my frustrations in all of this.

For me, it is not enough to be saved and enjoying my walk with God - I want to grab as many as I can and bring them into this Life, even if I have to push some or pull some up by the bootstraps. I would rather stand at the gates of hell and rescue those that are falling head-long into darkness than I would at a crystal podium full of the comforts of this life. That last sentence ultimately sums up my hearts cry.